I Can't Seem to Think of a Title That Doesn't Include "Delta" and Various Profanities......

When I woke up this morning, I was greeted by three separate e-mails letting me know that my stolen laptop has been recovered by the Philly Police Department. In our elation, Rob and I both took a moment to imagine how the blog post that recounts the conclusion of this ongoing saga should sound. I think both have equal merit.
Here’s Rob’s version. Hopefully, I’m remembering it correctly because it was pretty great.

Imagine yourself as a young woman on her very first day of college classes. Everything is new and exciting, even the awesome new purple laptop. It was so nice of your mother’s friend who works for the airline to give you such a good deal on it. HMMM, you think, I wonder why an airline employee is selling laptops. Oh well, it’s best not to overthink things. As class begins, you log onto the campus wifi. Moments later, campus security and the Philadelphia Police Department pull you out of class…..

Here’s my version.

Things I want from Delta/Northwest to make up for the fact that they didn’t even respond to my multiple reports of the theft by fax, telephone, and e-mail.


1) Delta should bear the cost of returning my property to me here in Tokyo- don't they have a plane they could put it on? (But on second thought, isn't that just going to get it stolen all over again?)


2) If they mail it, they should reimburse me for the customs I will have to pay in order to receive it.


3) They should reimburse me for the 50 bucks I spent faxing a claim they didn't respond to. International faxes are expensive.


4) The employee who stole my laptop should be fired- twice. Then I get to tazer him/her.


5) The supervisor who let him/her walk out of the airport with my laptop should be fired. I’m kind of picturing employees clocking out at the end of the day and the supervisor saying, “Night, Bob. Nice laptops.”


6) I should either be reimbursed for my flight or be given vouchers for my next international flight- business class for the whole family.


7) I want platinum status for life and access to all Delta/Northwest first-class lounges worldwide.


8) Every Northwest plane that doesn’t have TV monitors on the seatbacks should be refurbished.


9) My daughter wants a puppy.

SO, yeah, they did pull some girl out of class and take my laptop away from her. Everyone says “Poor girl,” but I’m thinking, “Like she didn’t know?” Honestly. She knew it was stolen.

The best part is that the BRILLIANTLY TECH SAVVY thieves deleted all my files and left them in the recycling bin. We’re clearly dealing with the criminal elite. The very friendly police officer in charge of the case has already restored my files for me. He’s completely tickled to have cracked the case this easily. Gotta love LoJack!

It's kind of ironic that on the very flight during which my computer was stolen, I was complaining about people who carry gigantic carry-on luggage. Now I know that they are the smart ones. Anything in your checked baggage is available to any airline employee who wants it, with the airline's full approval.

Guess what I'm buying before we fly again?